Free Love, True Love II

John Paul II stated in his Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio # 28 “With the creation of man and woman in His own image and likeness, God crowns and brings to perfection the work of His hands: He calls them to a special sharing in His love and in His power as Creator and Father, through their free and responsible cooperation in transmitting the gift of human life[1]” had a close connection with the topics on this reflection. I would like to articulate my reflection through the basic statements mentioned above: the creation of man and woman in God’s image; the call of special sharing in God’s love; the free and responsible cooperation and transmission of the gift of human life.

Let me start with the statement “the creation of man and woman in God’s image was originated in the text of Genesis points to the fact that the sources of creation is God, that unlike any other creature on the planet, we are made in the image and likeness of God. We are His children, his handiwork. At first when God created man, he was still lonely because there was nobody to love, the experience of original solitude. And God said” It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him" (Gn 2:18). This is the human realization of his dignity and superiority among the rest of the animals. Then there should be someone to love by him and God created woman as his suited companion. As Christians we believe that we are created in the image of God in our potential for love. This means in part that when we strive toward our potential for love we grow in expressing the best of our humanity[2] as D. Villegas described. John Paul II stated,

“Man’s original solitude with consciousness of the body”. Through it, man is distinguished from all the animalia and is separated from them, and also through it he is a person. It can be affirmed with certainty that man, thus formed, has at the same time consciousness and awareness of the meaning of his own body, on the basis of the experience of original solitude.”[3]

Then from there I will deal on the second statement, “He calls them for a special sharing of love.” this is the concept of relationship in marriage. The married love according to D. Villegas in her article – married love is a model of God’s love for us. For instance, in Vatican II ( Gaudium et Spes 48-50) marriage is described as a faithful partnership of life that reveals God’s love for the Church and for each other. Accordingly, part of the vocation of married persons consist in striving to give witness to such love, this special sharing of love involves love that is committed to shaping a mutual partnership of life.

When I was working as a volunteer catechist in Davao as part of my apostolate, one day a 16 year old lady approached me and asked me if we could talk in private. In time she opened up and poured herself out, I came to know that she was pregnant and scared to tell her situation to her parents. To make the story short, I had convinced her to something which is good and proper. My point here is that teenagers nowadays know a lot. Perhaps it’s too much. They think that they know about love, but after, it’s more about lust; they really can deceive themselves into believing that “this guy” or “that girl” is the one person they will love forever. And the deception can lead to early and careless sexual activities and into chains of unwanted consequences. The very foundation must be love not lust.

One virtue must be developed in love relationship is mutuality. Mutuality makes that the ideal of married love must be practiced by both spouses equally. Then it will push away the cultural tradition among woman as the one who care for the good of others, the one who forgives, and the one who makes effort to court back the husband. This is a one sided self giving. It should be a kind of love- making based on friendship and partnership in the rest of married life. To say to love another involves a love that is life-giving not just emotions or feeling; but acting with knowledge, respect, responsibility and care. John Paul II mentioned:

“When they both unite so closely as to become one flesh, their conjugal union presupposes a mature consciousness of the body. In fact, it bears within it a particular consciousness of the meaning of that body in the mutual self-giving of the persons.[4]

What I remember in our study of Moral Theology about marriage, love should be based on knowledge. Knowledge is central because it involves being able to see the person as other, different from his/her needs, desires, and preferences.

Erick Fromm stated in his book, “Knowledge of the other requires that we transcends our self- centered perspective and truly see each other[5]”. Knowledge and respect must be actively connected to responsibility and care. Responsibility means a willingness to respond and a willingness to become involved to the needs of the other, he added.

And the last statement which states that “transmission of the gift of life” How do we transmit life? In here, it points out that married life must bear fruit/s. This is of course through marital act. It should have the qualities of free, total, faithful and fruitful. This is also called as Sexual intimacy. It is a love making and not simply a form of physical pleasure, it involves vulnerability and self-giving. As William P. Roberts said:

“Intercourse is performed in a human way that is with mind and heart and soul as well as with body, and then the spouses indeed reveal themselves to each other in all of their nakedness, physical, spiritual, intellectual and emotional. Such intimate exchange catches up all the intimate sharing in the rest of their marriage and in turn enhances and enriches them”[6]

[1] John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation on Human Family in the Modern Time # 28

[2] Villegas Dianna. Married Love as Christian Ideal. Human Development. Volume 29. Winter 2008.
[3] Theology of the Body, Man's Awareness Of Being A Person Pope John Paul II. General Audience Of Wednesday, 24 October

[4] Theology of the Body, Marriage One And Indissoluble In First Chapters Of Genesis. Pope John Paul II, General Audience Of 21 November.

[5] Villegas Dianna. Married Love as Christian Ideal.
[6] Roberts P. W. Commitment and Partnership, Exploration in the Theology of Marriage. Paulist. 1987 p. 133.